Page likes: 740
Caron Kipping – Divorce & Separation Coach
(opens in a new tab)Master Practitioner Divorce Coach specialising in abusive and controlling relationships.
Also providing IDVA support in Family Court, training and consultancy.
Clients worldwide.
I’m away for a week from 28th September and have very limited availability for next week so if you need a 1:1 please let me know asap so I can confirm a time for you.It’s super busy atm – can’t I tell schools are back?! Please don’t struggle though- if you need me I will find a space and if you’re waiting for anything from me I’m working my way through my admin! 🙏
Special occasions, celebrations or family events are the perfect opportunity for your ex to try their level best to sabotage your joy, to cause you stress and to shift your focus to where they want it to be…on them. They don’t care if it’s a joyful event or a sad one, they will suck the fun out of it or add to your distress just because they can’t stand you having all the attention. They will promise to help you out then change their mind at the last minute, bombard you with ‘urgent’ messages during the event to distract and upset you on purpose, they will even turn up when uninvited just to make it really awkward and make sure you are thinking about them rather than concentrating on yourself and others. Recent examples I’ve heard of: 🙄A coercive controller turning up at a funeral for my client’s mother (who he never liked) and loudly sobbing throughout the service for additional dramatic effect 🙄A coercive controller dropping plans to care for the children right before my client’s family funeral because they were prioritising their own non-urgent plans – but still trying to make it sound like they were doing her a favour 🙄A coercive controller saying they have to work on their child’s 18th birthday when they knew their child wanted to celebrate with both parents – then not even sending a gift when they can well afford one 🙄A coercive controller spending huge amounts of money on a child’s birthday to do what they want to do ( not what the child wants) just to show off to the other parent 🙄 Emailing court applications to my client on her birthday 🙄Being overly dramatic when you’re in labour to ensure all the staff focus on him not you These behaviours are hurtful and meant to be so- they are intentional, selfish and demonstrate how the coercive controller always puts themselves first. They are desperate for attention and will stop at nothing to get it. What’s the most attention-seeking thing your partner/ex did? Drop a comment below or dm me and I will mention it for you. 👇#attentionseeker #selfish #drama #noempathy #coercivecontrolawareness
Subjugation- it’s when you lose your voice and your autonomy in the relationship and it’s why you become a shell of your former self over time. Many people say ‘I don’t know who I am anymore’ , ‘I could never speak up ‘ and you might explain it as being told how to do everything- what you should say, who you could speak to etc. There will be rules to abide by and punishments if you break them. The power and control dynamics when you are experiencing coercive control are powerful- they make you feel like you are held in invisible chains. You daren’t speak or challenge or you will be punished. You are regulated and micro-managed. You live in fear and are constantly intimidated. You are deprived of any capacity to leave. Words and actions can be powerful enough to place another person under their complete control., feeling isolated and eroded. I’m here to tell you that that behaviour is not ok- it’s never ok. It’s abuse. If you need help to break free from those invisible chains get in touch or read my book ( link in bio) to understand more about tactics of coercive control. #coercivecontrolawareness #psychologicalabuse #brainwashing #domesticabuse #domesticabusehelp
3 common mistakes people make when dealing with professionals and when you’re trying to get them to understand your experience :1) Not articulating your situation strongly or clearly enough so you don’t get the outcome you want. You need to show the patterns of behaviour, the tactics used against you, and the impact it has, with factual evidence to back it up. Vague descriptions of day to day life with no specific detail are not going to get you very far with statutory organisations. 2) reporting too often- it becomes like ‘white noise’ – differentiate between a safeguarding concern and a parenting concern- deal with the parenting concerns yourself, report the safeguarding concerns . Think before you report because unless you can demonstrate a pattern of behaviour it might just look like a relatively minor issue. Don’t report the small stuff, keep any reports to serious and significant incidents. 3) complaining too often – it’s often unhelpful – even though you might have good reason to complain, professionals will always defend their position. If you get their hackles up because you have complained about them it may well make your life more difficult going forward. If social services are involved in your family’s life try to work with them, not against them. It shouldn’t have to be like this but this is your reality check because I’ve seen too many clients over the years struggle with frustration and disappointment when their actions have backfired. If you need advocacy or help to organise your evidence and your concerns for professionals get in touch. #CommonMistakes #advocacy #coerciverelationships #Complaint #safeguarding #DivorceStrategy #divorcecoach
I work differently to a lot of coaches. My expertise is grounded in my lived experience of 10 years in a coercive controlling marriage and years of post-separation abuse. I spent a further 18 years working in various roles at The Dash Charity, which gave me an excellent understanding of criminal, housing and civil legal processes and safeguarding. I know how to ground those fears when you’re contemplating separation from a coercive controller, I can help you save money and put your story across effectively to police , social workers, CAFCASS or to family court and I can share practical strategies to help you manage post-separation abuse. Every stage of dealing with a coercive controller is difficult in its own way, but with support you are not alone. *Book a 1:1 coaching session so we can develop a plan to get you through whatever you’re dealing with * Join my peer support groups- separate groups for men and women where you can get help from others who have been where you are * Book me to advocate for you in safeguarding meetings to ensure your voice is heard * Book me to attend court with you so I can sit right by your side supporting you and ensuring you understand what is happening and can put your key concerns across. Once you’re my client, you’re my client for life- no need to keep repeating your story- just confidential, practical help. 💗#divorcecoach #domesticabuse #coercivecontrolawareness #coercivecontrol #domesticabusesupport