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Caron Kipping – Divorce & Separation Coach

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Master Practitioner Divorce Coach specialising in abusive and controlling relationships.
Also providing IDVA support in Family Court, training and consultancy.
Clients worldwide.

Finishing the week with an important tip! If you’re at the point of proposing what to put in your Child Arrangement Order and you have an ex that loves to keep changing arrangements to prioritise their own needs- their work schedule, holiday plans, personal activities etc make sure your proposal makes it clear how to request changes to the ordered schedule:1) All requests via the parenting app so you have a trail of how many times they request a change 2) all requests to be made at least a week in advance unless urgent 3) parents to respond to requests within 24hrs4) if a parent rejects the request that is accepted and the schedule remains in place- no swops . You stick with the schedule or skip your time. If you don’t keep firm boundaries in place you will find your ex eroding the schedule piece by piece and before you know it there’s no point having a schedule.. #familycourt #familycourthelp #childarrangements #childarrangementorder #parentingwithanarcissist
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Just spoke to a lovely client I’ve supported on and off for the past 3 years.She asked for some help with her parenting plan ( several drafts have been made and her ex has never agreed any of them). There are no significant safeguarding concerns but her child is starting to become reluctant to spend as much time with her ex. She had a ‘lightbulb moment’. What’s the point in spending all this time and energy trying to get him to agree to a plan he’s never going to keep to? She’s exactly right- her ex never keeps to any plans- he’s always going to do what he wants and he will continue to ignore, deflect, make excuses and lie and he’s never going to take his job as a parent seriously- so she’s decided to stop wasting her precious time and energy trying. He’s a walking contradiction- he says he wants to be a good parent but doesn’t listen to any advice. Challenging him just leads to escalation and a massive rant from him. Instead she told him how she was going to parallel parent, how communication would continue, how the current contact arrangements would continue and a few other specifics- done. She doesn’t need to ask for his agreement, he’s probably going to sulk for a bit, but there’s no difference to the current arrangement, it’s just in writing now for future reference. Now she can focus her attention where it should be- on her new life and being there for her child. Of course he will keep pushing the boundaries but the less interaction she has with him the better. We spoke about her achievements too and she’s almost completed her new qualification which will really open her world to new job opportunities, she’s made a few new friends and they’re off on holiday together soon and she’s looking after her health. It’s a journey… 3 years ago she was not ready to accept that he couldn’t change, now she can. Protect your peace where you can- it’s not always possible but if you can it can so be worth it. 💗#parallelparenting #soloparent #postseparationabuse #avoidant #communication
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