What does it look like? It’s different for everyone but open up your mind to these possibilities..
Peace
No more wondering what mood your ex will be in when they walk through the door. No more ‘walking on eggshells’, worry about getting things wrong. Sleeping peacefully means you have more energy – no longer feel exhausted and you are ready to face the days ahead.
Finding yourself again
When you get told what to do, what to like/not like you lose your sense of self. You forget what you actually DO like – what food you like, what music you like, what clothes you like to wear.
‘Everything became HIS – HIS friends, HIS choice of where we went, HIS food, HIS music, HIS choice of what I wore. If I tried to choose my own he would just criticise me – say I looked slutty or tell me it was boring’.- Julie.
It can be daunting at first to make choices when you are not used to having choice, but the more you do this the more your confidence will grow.
Trying out new hairstyles, new colours, new food – all simple things many people take for granted become exciting and empowering. Never allowed to wear skinny jeans or colourful nails – get out the brightest possible! Happy colours = happy mindset.
New Possibilities
This is your chance to decide what you want to do with your life going forwards – use the opportunity to re-train, to pursue the career you have always wanted to, to take up a new hobby or go back to one that you had to give up because it was just easier to.
Freedom
Go on holiday to somewhere you always wanted to go or just go anywhere without having to justify it! No more checking your mileage, no more checking the clock to make sure you don’t spend too long somewhere. Want to spend some time doing mindfulness? The smell of fresh air, the scent of flowers in the park, the sight of your children playing happily can give you a warm fuzzy feeling inside.
Rekindling Relationships
This is your chance to get back in touch with friends and family you might have lost contact with due to your ex. This may need a bit of explaining when you first contact them as it can be difficult for friends and family to understand the complexities of domestic abuse. Reach out – remember, what is the worst that can happen? If they don’t understand at least you have tried and you have told them the truth about why you haven’t been in touch. If they welcome you with open arms they will give you strength to keep going and support to keep you strong.
Lonely no more
There is nothing more lonely than being in a relationship where you don’t feel loved. When you move on you can choose who you want to let in to your new life – new friends, old friends, family, school mums, support group friends, professionals who are part of your support tribe – the list goes on. You will find there are lots of opportunities to build a new larger support network to help you through and to encourage you and pick you up when times are tough.
Feel the Fun!
Spending time around positive people rather than negative ones can only rub off on you. Laughing and having fun increases confidence, self-esteem and reminds you of everything you have to be grateful for. Everyone needs a little fun in their life – whether it is a simple coffee and catch up or a full on girls’ night out, boosting happy hormones gives you energy to deal with your situation and helps you shift your focus to the future.
‘I had almost forgotten what my laugh sounded like – I didn’t have a voice and I certainly didn’t laugh for a long time. When I laughed afterwards it felt strange, but now I look in the mirror and smile. I am proud of who I am, not ashamed.’ – Claire, Windsor.
You can do it!
Yes there are many reasons to stay and some of the reasons for leaving are not going to fruition immediately, they may take time, but you can learn so much about yourself with this second chance.
If you try something and it doesn’t work, it really doesn’t matter – it’s a learning curve. You will find out you are more than capable, you can be independent, you can become confident and you can be a great role model for your children. Imagine being able to put yourself first.
Stop saying ‘I can’t’ and start saying ‘I can’!
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