Rachel's Story - Caron Kipping Coaching

Rachel found me after reaching out to her local domestic abuse organisation for advice. Unfortunately due to the way they are funded they were unable to help as she wasn’t local to them but they referred her to a similar service in her local area for support. However, after speaking to their worker, Rachel decided that this wasn’t the kind of support she was looking for and asked around for an alternative.

Rachel found me through a friend of a friend and we spoke on the phone. I explained my background, experience and how my sessions worked and she was keen to make a start. We arranged face to face sessions at my home, timed so she could come straight from her work as a teacher. Rachel had also been seeing a counsellor for some time but wanted some quick solutions to help her.

Repeating Patterns

I will never forget Rachel’s first session – she was broken, exhausted and ‘done’. Rachel had been in 3 similar relationships – all had a pattern of coercive control, jealousy and emotional abuse and although it had been Rachel’s decision to end her last relationship she was clearly struggling with her emotions. Rachel’s ex had cut her off completely when it ended so although she didn’t want to reconcile she felt completely abandoned and alone and didn’t know how to function without him.

Recognising domestic abuse

He had isolated her from friends and family, she had lost all her confidence and her self-esteem was rock bottom. Rachel blamed herself and couldn’t understand why she kept attracting men who would do this to her, when all she had done was be kind and had done everything to make them happy. Rachel was exhausted all the time, having trouble sleeping and suffering with poor memory due to feeling overwhelmed and confused.

Tactics

We spent weekly sessions exploring the tactics her ex’s had used – really looking at why they had done this, what they were trying to achieve and understanding how each of these tactics made her feel. By understanding these, Rachel could start to see that the abuse wasn’t her fault. Rachel even felt strong enough to report her ex to police but unfortunately due to lack of evidence they couldn’t press charges. Rachel struggled with this but at least she had created a log with police so if he did it to someone else in future they could see a pattern of behaviour.

Coercive control offences have almost doubled in the past year

Coping strategies and Goals

We also spent time working on improving Rachel’s confidence, helping her focus on creating future she would be happy with. Rachel got amazing support from her school and colleagues, they adjusted her workload when she struggled to concentrate and encouraged her with social events. Rachel struggled with anxiety and panic attacks but she learnt to control these and she reached out to friends and family so they understood how to support her.

Rachel learnt how to put her own needs first and manage her time to protect her mental wellbeing. Through our sessions and practical work, Rachel became clear about her own values, beliefs and boundaries so she knew what she would want from future relationships, knowing she could feel confident that history wasn’t going to repeat itself again. For now Rachel is happy on her own, loving life again and thriving, enjoying time with friends and continuing her adventurous pursuits!

‘’ Caron, you have been brilliant, you have been by my side throughout my time with you and I feel that will continue. You have helped me on an enormous amount in seeing what abuse actually is and how to spot it from happening again. You have helped grow my confidence and get me through a really rough time in my life. I feel I have a support network with you that gives me the strength to move forward to bigger and better things. I will forever be thankful.”