The months, and perhaps even years, of stress and overwhelm can take it’s toll on your confidence and self-esteem. When you are in an unhappy relationship you can have little energy, time or inspiration for yourself .
If you are in a controlling relationship you might not be ‘allowed’ to spend money on yourself for fear of being ridiculed, criticised or having to justify every penny. Subtle criticisms can change the way you view your body, they can change the way you choose your clothes. No more ‘revealing’ tops allowed- more comfy clothes in your wardrobe, clothes less likely to draw attention from others, allowing you to fade into the background. I am sure you could have fitted two people into some of the clothes I wore years ago and they were always dark, shapeless and frumpy! Not exactly what you would wear to feel good about yourself.
On one occasion I was painting my nails pink, I didn’t think anything of it until I got this tirade of verbal abuse calling me a prostitute and accusing me of wanting to flirt with other men. I was just trying to look nice, for me! ” – Nikki, Wokingham.
Finding ‘you’ again
Clothes and image can play a huge part in your recovery after any big life change – divorce, separation and domestic abuse being no exception. Many women talk about clothes being their suit of armour, helping them feel stronger and more resilient to deal with the challenges of court, meetings with their ex and in having the confidence to start again. Hayley writes about her experiences here:https://www.missredlondon.co.uk/133/DASH-Charity. Experiment – try different colours, different styles, different smells!
” I always used to make sure I looked my best when I went to meet my ex . It made me feel so much better – it was my way of feeling confident on the outside even if I was shaking like a leaf on the inside.” – Karen, Windsor.
5 Simple ways to feel and look better
- Book yourself a personal stylist session . Don’t stay stuck in a rut, dressing the same way your ex wanted you to dress – find out how YOU want to dress.Treat yourself to a wardrobe consultation or a personal styling session. Lovely Lizzie Parsons from https://www.lizzieparsons.co.uk/ helps women have confidence in the clothes they wear , making sure their clothes suit their colour, body shape and personality, and in her words she will help you feel ”just like you on your best day!”
Lizzie is kindly offering any of my clients a 20% discount to help you get started on finding the ‘new you’ and you are bound to leave her session feeling on top of the world! If Lizzie’s sessions aren’t for you, some of the department stores also offer online and personal shopping experiences now for free – or take a friend shopping who knows you and what looks good on you, it can be like a ‘Pretty Woman’ experience!
2. Get a makeup tutorial or a colour therapy session – it doesn’t have to cost much and even just a quick free session at your local make-up counter can leave you feeling 10 years younger again and with renewed energy to get back out there again! Francesca Cairns offers a range of online services including a Transformation package : http://www.imageconsultantmaidenhead.co.uk/services.html
·3. Get a ‘new do’! If your ex always liked you with long hair , get it cut short! If they always liked blondes, but you hated all the upkeep, try brunette! Choose a style you have always wanted to have the courage to try or take it gently and just go a couple of shades different. Let your hairdresser give you some ideas of what they think would suit you and see where it takes you!A trip to my hairdresser is much more than just a haircut – it’s a chance to have a chat, maybe even a glass of fizz! http://paulantony.co.uk/
·4. Get your nails done – you don’t have to go ‘all out’ with long, fake nails, but just treating yourself to a bright new nail polish, or a manicure with a lovely hand massage to finish off or a pedicure. It’s all about nourishing YOU and making you feel valued and’ worth it’ – because you are!
·5. Buy yourself a new piece of jewellery – a ring or a necklace you can twiddle when you need a reminder of how far you have come or when you need a bit of courage. A personalised piece of jewellery can give you the confidence to be you again and remind you of everything you have to feel grateful for right now. Have a think about resetting your engagement ring into a new piece of jewellery so it’s no longer a reminder of the past but creates new joy and happy moments for you.
These are small changes but they can really make a big difference to your mindset.
Get YOU back, because you are worth it!
If you need help to rebuild your confidence after divorce or separation please get in touch!
