Times are tough and that is an understatement for a lot of people right now.
Another excuse
Recent research has shown that people who are abusive and controlling are using the cost of living crisis as yet another excuse to abuse. Here are some behaviours you might recognise:
- Scrutinising your spending, demanding receipts for petrol and basic purchases
- Making excuses not to repair boilers , replace white goods, repair vehicles
- Limiting your social life as an excuse to keep you home more
- Increasing expenses by intentionally running up big bills and debts so you don’t leave
- Running up expensive litigation bills to punish you
- Saying your family won’t help you if you leave as they can’t afford to support you too
- Witholding child maintenance, only agreeing to pay for schools’ stuff if you give in to their demands
How you can get help
Limited finances can restrict your choices should you choose to end the relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with being controlled and abused. There are always options. You can rebuild your finances over time, you can make a happy home anywhere and you can live safely and freely without abuse – and that in itself is priceless..
Here are some organisations that can help you with advice, guidance and/or practical help:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ can help with free legal advice and budgeting help
https://www.gov.uk/check-legal-aid to check if you are entitled to Legal Aid
https://survivingeconomicabuse.org/i-need-help/cost-of-living-information/ advice on various grants
Legal Help
There are a range of legal support options depending on your situation and your income, if you need any advice on this, get in touch with me. Don’t forget you can apply for a £500 voucher towards mediation too – this is not means-tested.
Local domestic abuse organisations
If you feel like you would be in danger if you remain at home with your abuser or in your home area you can access emergency Refuge accommodation. This means that you would have to leave your home and your job but it means you have a safe space, with practical support whilst you figure out what your next steps are. It’s never a first choice solution, but it can give you time to sort the practicalities out, to understand your options and to get the support you need as you recover.
You may also be able to access support should you choose to remain in your home, or in your local area. The support you can receive will vary depending on which town you live in, but it is free and confidential. Many organisations like this have access to practical help for people struggling as a result of economic/financial abuse and can help you with donations of food, clothing, white goods and applying for grants towards school uniform, payment of utilities arrears, buying furniture etc.
Google ‘domestic abuse support in xx (town)’ and you should easily find your local organisation to contact or call the National DV Helpline on 0808 2000 247 https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
Coaching Support
Whilst coaching can be seen as a luxury or non-essential suport service in actual fact, it can be essential! It can save you money in the long run if you make good decisions, it can help you stay motivated so the process moves quicker and there are a range of options you can access for free:
- FREE monthly newsletter packed with links to resources, news, information to help you
- FREE private Facebook group for peer support with opportunities for in-person and virtual meet-ups
- FREE Instagram and Facebook posts to keep you motivated and quick tips to help you day to day
- FREE blog posts on a variety of topics on my website
- ‘Pay as you go’ 1:1 coaching sessions – no need to sign up to expensive retreats or costly programmes of support. Simply pay for what you need. These sessions are £80 per hour and we can get through a lot in that time! Have regular sessions or ‘dip in and out’ as and when you need them, the choice is yours – with FREE resources sent to you by email too!
- ‘Hotspot’ sessions – if you need a bit of specific advice but you don’t necessarily need a whole hour, I can still help you in 20 minute blocks through email for only £20. You might want me to review some communication between you and your ex, to check a parenting plan proposal or give you some advice specific to your case, we can do that too.
Whatever your situation, remember, abuse and control in a relationship only gets worse, not better. If you are worried about our finances and separating from your partner, please get in touch and let’s talk. I will do all I can to help – and if I can’t help you, I will know someone that can!
