I finally caught up on the show everyone has been talking about recently – Angela Black, shown on ITV. https://www.itv.com/hub/angela-black/2a6722
Controlling Behaviour
To the outside world, Angela has everything – gorgeous husband, lovely house, designer clothes and a lifestyle many would crave. Behind closed doors, it’s very different – there are shocking scenes after a dinner party when he grabs her hair as she walks past, footage of a physical assault but also signs of much more subtle controlling behaviour. Measuring how much butter she puts on her toast and making a comment about it ” Start the day right” is not said in a supportive way, you can tell there is a much more sinister intention behind it.
He promises to do better and leaves her an envelope full of cash as a way of making it up to her, after she is left reeling with a black eye and a broken tooth, but she has heard all these promises before. He gaslights her into believing she is the problem and accuses her of being unfaithful when it is actually him who has been unfaithful.
He uses the children as another tool by being ‘super dad’ and showing what a great father he can be, when he knows she is thinking of leaving. He knows what works, what will stop her from leaving and what will get things ‘back to normal’.
The makers of this drama worked closely with domestic abuse charities to make sure the subtle behaviours of coercive control were dramatised in a sensitive way. Of course, it is a drama at the end of the day, but some of these behaviours are very typical of things I hear from my clients. Partners who check their phone, who track their car, who criticise and belittle them daily in attempts to isolate them, crush their self-esteem and control. Nothing you say will shock me.
For more signs of coercive control click here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/
If this is happening to you, don’t be afraid, get in touch. You dont have to live like this. Get out before it gets worse, but do it safely.
