Tell people about your situation
This can seem counter-intuitive, but the more people that know about your situation, the safer you are. The trick is to make sure it is the RIGHT people you share with – teachers, neighbours, trusted friends, professionals who are supporting you, your employer. People can’t help you if they don’t know what to look out for or what you are worried about. Be honest too, don’t cover up the truth to protect your ex – you have nothing to be ashamed of, so let people know so they can support you. If in doubt, report to police – each report adds to your log of evidence.
Change your safety plan
Think about what you would do if your ex did find your address or turn up at school or work. Put some simple safety measures in place – have a password to collect children from nursery, have a plan with teachers so you can collect the children from school a few minutes earlier each day or from a different exit. Get yourself a video doorbell to alert you to callers even when you aren’t at home. Do you check the front door before you open it? Do you have window locks, is your back garden secure? Can you park in a different space at work or change your working hours/location for a while? Taking control means you will be better prepared just in case.https://www.amazon.co.uk/all-new-ring-video-doorbell-1080p-hd-video-advanced-motion-detection-and-easy-installation-satin-nickel/dp/B07WMKZZXL/ref=sr_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=Video+Doorbell&qid=1611564490&sr=8-5
You can also buy some simple safety devices online – window sensors, doorjammers,etc. These only cost a few pounds but help you feel safer in your new home.Don’t give your personal details to anyone unless you can be sure they are trustworthy. When you register to vote, make sure your details don’t go on the public register. https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/register-to-vote-anonymously
Mobile and Social Media
Check for any tracking Apps on your phone – get a mobile phone provider to check for you or restore to factory settings. Remove your GPS setting and disconnect from your shared ICloud settings. Consider getting a new mobile if you still need to communicate with your ex – that way you can choose when to answer those calls/texts and don’t have to worry every time you get a phone alert. Make sure your privacy settings are tight and disable your location settings. Be mindful about posting photos that may inadvertently disclose your location and ask friends not to post photos of you on their accounts. Be very careful about giving your mobile number to anyone.
Safety when out and about
Be vigilant – change your usual routes and routines if you can, try not to be predictable. Avoid places your ex is likely to go and if you still have to see your ex to complete handovers for contact do it in a public place – somewhere there is CCTV or likely to have members of the public around. Make sure you always have your mobile charged, fuel in your car and cash or a bank card in your purse just in case.
Emotional Wellbeing Moving on should be exactly that – moving on, not hiding away. It has taken enormous courage to get to where you are, so now is your time to start enjoying your life, you just have to be careful. Work on rebuilding you – your confidence, your self-esteem and take some time to consider what you want your future to look like. See this as the perfect opportunity to re-design your life! Rather than focussing on the unhappy times, focus on the happier times to come. Find some supportive groups on social media, listen to empowering podcasts, such as https://www.officialfearnecotton.com/news/2018/2/26/happy-place-podcast
Create your new vision for the future with confidence, feel empowered, in control and build on your strengths. Not sure how to do it or need some help?`Contact me for a complimentary call today!
