Julie came to see me as she wanted to divorce her husband and had been wanting this for many years, but for some reason, there was always something stopping her from taking that first step. Julie was clear that her marriage was over but needed someone to support her and give her the confidence to make the break.
Background
We explored the relationship in more detail using some specialist tools and it was clear Julie’s husband had been controlling and emotionally abusive throughout the marriage – they had been together for over 30 years and it was the only relationship Julie had ever known. Julie recalled how years before, her husband had had an affair, but she had forgiven him, but recent family health worries had given her time to reflect and she decided it was ‘now or never’. Julie recalled times over the years when she had been left feeling completely unsupported by her husband , which had left her feeling unloved and uncared for. Julie said she had nothing in common with her husband any more and they were now living separate lives under one roof.
Coping better
I gave Julie strategies on how to cope better whilst they were still living together. It’s always difficult when one partie is ready to end the relationship but they still have to live in the same home as their spouse. With the best will in the world, you might be trying your best to keep the separation amicable, but your partner may not be ready to accept the end of the relationship and things can become very challenging. Julie was aware of what to do to manage things in the interim and what to do should her husband’s behaviour become threatening at all.
I gave Julie some solicitor’s details and put her in touch with a financial advisor so she could see what her longer-term future might look like after separation. Julie was keen to stay living in the area, where she could keep in touch with close friends and continue working. Julie had already taken steps to work out her finances and was confident that she would be ok financially after separation. The financial advisor helped Julie work out what her financial settlement would look like and she started to research house prices in the area and make plans.
We had a debrief after each solicitor’s meeting to make sure Julie understood the process and could work through what information she wanted to include in her divorce petition. While the practicalities were in progress we explored some of the tactics Julie’s husband was using and she was able to learn new coping techniques so she felt stronger. Julie had a great support network of close friends and her adult children were in support of Julie’s decision, and they all helped her stay strong throughout the process.
For details on divorce and the grounds for ‘unreasonable behaviour‘ click here: https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/divorce/
Fast forward
In less than a year, Julie is now divorced, has just put her house on the market and is looking forward to the next stage in her life. I received this message from her yesterday:
” Hi Caron, I just wanted to let you know that I received my Decree Absolute this week and am now officially single. I am sorting the house out to put it on the market. I just wanted to thank you for your support, knowledge and guidance at this time, without it I would still have been stuck in a rut. Take care, Julie.”
If you are stuck in a rut and need some support to take that first step, please get in touch…because life is too short to be unhappy.
