When I was going through my divorce I had no idea what to expect – I only knew one other person who had been divorced at that time and had no knowledge at all about what it entailed. How would I know? I had never needed to until that moment.
I was completely clueless. I had no idea if or why I would need a solicitor, how much one would cost or what I should be asking for.
The Fog
I also had a lot of other ‘stuff’ going on at the time which meant I was exhausted emotionally and physically and those things combined meant I struggled to think clearly. I always describe this state as a ‘foggy state’ – where your mind is clogged up with ‘fog’ or ‘cotton wool’ and just unable to process information. This is one of the ways in which domestic abuse affects many people – it makes it hard to think and hard to make decisions. It is also one of the ways in which the mind and body protects you.
As this process happens your mind is also whirling around – you are panicking about what might come. Everything you know is about to change. These thoughts can spiral out of control as you are thinking about all the uncertainties that face you .
Questions Questions
Where will I live?
Where will the children live?
How can I afford to get divorced?
How will we split the finances?
How will I pay for childcare?
How will I cope on my own?
Will I be safe if I leave?
All these questions and a million more start spinning around to the point where it all becomes overwhelming. Divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences you can go through and if you are divorcing an abusive partner this can be even more scary.
My Top Tips to prevent Separation Overwhelm
- Get yourself a good Family Law solicitor. See a couple of different ones and get a feel for them and their approach as they are all different – what worked for someone else may not work for you. Most solicitors offer a free session initially so you don’t have to make any decisions there and then. They will listen to you and advise you on your legal Rights related to housing, finances and children.
- Read up on the process around divorce – there are lots of good books available and online resources. Information is power! There is really easy to read information here that will help – Rights of Women are trainee barristers and legal professionals and they also have a free helpline https://www.rightsofwomen.org
- Surround yourself with a support team – people who can help you through. Friends and family may want to support you so dont be frightened of reaching out to those you need. They can help by doing practical things like attending appointments and meetings with you and writing things down in case you struggle to take in all the information as well as providing the shoulder to lean on.
- A financial advisor is useful too – you don’t need to own lots of property, but they can help you understand the longer-term impact of your divorce on your finances, which might actually be better than you think.
- Of course a Divorce Coach is always a good idea! Divorce coaches like solicitors are all slightly different with different niches and pricing so find one that fits for you – find out more about my coaching on my FAQ page: https://caronkippingcoaching.com/faq/ We can help you understand the process, give you a toolkit of strategies and safety advice so you feel more in control and we can help you start looking towards getting the future that you want…because life is too short to be unhappy.
For more guidance and support through your divorce or separation, get in touch via my contact form or give me a call for a free consultation
Tel: 07899991304
