Helen came to me via her solicitor’s recommendation. At the time she will admit she was a quivering wreck – her nervous system was on overdrive, she was living in the same home as her husband and 2 children, she was trying to initiate her divorce but he was making it extremely difficult. In typical coercive controlling fashion there was lots of gaslighting, he was off having affairs with other women while travelling away with his job, using cocaine, making lots of false allegations.
The children were starting to feel the impact – teachers were noticing the impact and as financial division of assets began, there were more and more lies about the finances becoming evident. Helen did her best to cope with the situation at home but it was taking it’s toll, even though she was trying her best to avoid spending time at home so she took the decision to move with the children into rented accommodation, leaving her large family home. At this point mediation had failed, social services early intervention team got involved as did the local domestic abuse organisation – Helen began to feel more supported, protected and finally had some headspace to be able to manage her situation better.
As time went on..
It was no surprise when within 6 months of starting the divorce Helen’s ex got himself a new partner. The children couldn’t see how dad was trying to manipulate them – letting them stay up till all hours, watching scary movies, gaslighting them and telling them mum was the problem. He was insisting on 50/50 shared care even though that was practically impossible with his working hours.
Within the next 6 months, dad had already started losing interest in the children – they weren’t wanting to spend as much time at his, he was more interested in his girlfriend. It was becoming clear that dad didn’t always tell the truth, he wasn’t making financial payments as he had been ordered to do so and the family home was now up for repossession.
Outcome
The family home is now finally being sold and Helen has placed an offer on a new home for herself and the children. Her ex has now married his girlfriend (let’s see how long that lasts..). The children are thriving and Helen’s daughter has become much more confident in setting boundaries with her dad and grandparents. Her son is about to start College and is turning out to be a lovely young man.Helen’s new business is really starting to take off, meaning she will have much greater financial stability and independence in future and she has also found a new partner – completely different to her husband – kind, supportive, encouraging.
Of course her ex is still being a pain – of course he is still making inappropriate comments about her, but it bothers her far less these days, of course he is still trying to manipulate the children, but they can see it and manage it better. Life is better.
Here’s what Helen has to say:
“Caron has so much experience and knowledge about all aspects of domestic abuse and the divorce and family court system. she has been a tremendous support to me over the last 4 years. My ex is abusive and continues to abuse me through the court system emotionally and financially! However I’m winning back that fight!
Caron has in effect been a lifeline to me and has the advantage of being able to speak freely as a counsellor advising supporting and guiding through the ongoing problems experienced by the abuse.”
*The name has been changed but this story is real – if this story resonates with you, get in touch!
Paula