Phoenix, daughter of ‘Spice Girl’ singer Mel B has spoken out about her experience of domestic abuse as she grew up. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-10469233/Mel-Bs-daughter-Phoenix-22-relives-harrowing-moment-saw-mother-endure-domestic-abuse.html
”I was too frightened, too young and too helpless” she says. Phoenix states she has memories of hearing her mum and dad fighting from 2 floors above her bedroom. Phoenix crept to the stairs to check her mum was ok and froze at what she saw.
Phoenix goes on to say she struggled to sleep but still had to go to school the next morning , but that this was ‘normal life’ for her.
Why you can’t remember everything
Mel B states she has no clear memory of this – this could be because of the unbearable misplaced guilt she feels about how much her children have been impacted by the abuse and/or it could be as a result of trauma and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). It is very common for victims of domestic abuse to have some memory loss and to have gaps in their recollection of events. It doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, it doesn’t mean you are at fault because you can’t remember.
When you are abused daily, one incident rolls into another and you ‘normalise’ it – it’s the only way you can cope with it. The gaps are due to the physical response where your brain is trying to protect you. You can often forget the most important details and some of the most violent incidents because they are just too unbearable to think about or because they simply become routine. Read more here about the stages of change which will help you understand how you cope and why you feel the way you do:https://www.genesisshelter.org/stages-of-change/
No matter how much you try to protect your children, they will see, hear and experience the impact of abuse. Don’t assume they can’t hear you, that because they are in bed they are ok. They will pick up on stresses, anxiety, fear and what children experience in childhood shapes their views of relationships as they grow up.
If you are experiencing abusive behaviour in your relationship – even if that abuse is ‘only’ emotional, it’s not ok. Get help and advice as soon as you can. You don’t have to put up with it. Don’t try and keep the family together for the sake of the children – for the sake of the children, get out.
Call me or email me or call your local domestic abuse organisation to speak in confidence.
