When a relationship breaks down, for whatever reason, and you have children with your partner, co-parenting can be a challenge (to put it mildly). Children often get caught in the middle – used as pawns in the game, as separation leads to a toxic divorce and ongoing conflict around finances and child contact. If your relationship was abusive when you were in it, leaving doesn’t always stop that abuse – in fact it can get worse after separation, this is why it is vital that you get specialist support and advice.
How Can you Help your Children after Separation?
These tips need regular practice and patience – but if they can limit the impact on your children it will be worth it.
Tip 1: Allow your child time to talk – children often mistakenly believe that the separation is their fault, they may feel confused and they may struggle to express their feelings, not wanting to upset either parent . Spend time with your child each day and allow them the opportunity to talk. Give them clear, consistent messages about abusive and non-abusive behaviour in a language they understand and encourage them to open up about how they feel.
Tip 2: Keep adult issues to adults. Don’t discuss adult issues with your children – they don’t need to know everything that is going on. Discuss issues with professionals or trusted friends instead . Children are very astute and pick up on your emotions – try not to let them overhear difficult conversations with your ex or your solicitor, keep it to a time when they aren’t around.
Tip 3: Love, love, love! Show your children unconditional love – this can be tough at times especially if they are copying abusive behaviour they have learnt, but if you offer them reassurance , love and security they will understand that love shouldnt come attached with conditions or threats.
If you can do this, your children will thank you for it in the long run.
Contact me if you would like to learn more about parenting after domestic abuse or go to https://www.womensaid.org.uk/
