There is a hole in my sidewalk, by Portia Nelson.
“I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost… I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.”
What significance does this poem have?
Two things – first of all it accurately describes the struggle of coping with trauma bonds and creating new habits. When you leave an abuser or end the relationship (or even toughter, they end it for you) you can still feel a sense of loss, grief, loneliness. Even though you knew the relationship wasn’t healthy, it can still hurt. It can be tempting to go back or keep doing the same things you always did. You need to learn new habits to prevent yourself falling down the same hole again and again. You don’t deserve to be hurt again and again. You can read more about trauma bonds here: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
Secondly, the poem describes the stages of transformation in a simple and concise way. Most people live life on autopilot. They keep repeating the same actions, expecting to get a different result, living a life of stagnation and no growth. This is where coaching really is transformational – you learn from the past, learn new habits that are healthy, begin to look forwards and set goals to get you to a happier, healthier state of mind and place in the world.
Growth can be painful, change can be difficult, but you have to start somewhere. It can also open up so many opportunities for you too. Let me help you and get in touch to get started !
