Is everything going ok? Are you happy?
Happiness in life is what we all strive for essentially. Not short-lived happiness but long-term real deep down happiness.
Negativity Breeds Negativity
When you live with a partner or family member that is abusive all that negativity brushes off onto you. If you get told you are no good, can’t do this, can’t do that, you believe it. It is exhausting emotionally and it leaves you questioning everything. Am I useless, stupid, unattractive, a bad parent, etc. etc. This tactic is designed to narrow your world, to keep you in order, to prevent you from leaving or challenging.
Don’t Keep Going Round in Circles
You will ask yourself – why me, why are they doing this to me, why can’t I leave, why do I deserve this, why is nobody helping me? Your mind will automatically try to answer the questions you ask – the ‘Why’ questions will spin round and round and you will be unable to come up with any answers.
Instead of frustrating yourself asking the ‘why’ question and reminding yourself of everything you supposedly can’t do, what about doing things differently and opening up your mind to positive possibilities.
Create a Happier Future
It’s not easy, nothing worth having ever is easy, but if you keep going the same way, think about what might happen. What might your life look like if this carries on in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years. Do you really want to be stuck in the same situation?
No such thing as ‘Can’t’
My grandma used to say that to me and she was right! A lady I spoke to recently is depressed, living with her abusive husband and her adult son is now abusing her too. This lady is making excuses as to why she cannot leave, she isn’t ready to open her mind to possibilities. She can’t afford it, she doesn’t want to upset her son, she doesn’t like the advice she is being given by professionals, she can’t, doesn’t, won’t..
Yes it is tough to make changes, yes it may cost you financially, yes you may end up with a different home to the one you have had for years – but what if that home takes less money and time to run, helps you feel safer and more secure, means you don’t have to listen to all that negativity day in day out, means you are free to come and go when and where you want, enables you to gain a whole new support network .. The list of positives can far outweigh the negatives, but it takes courage to take that first step to change.
One of my clients recently left her husband after 30-odd years together. This relationship had been abusive throughout, but after one final incident she had had enough. Within a year she has moved to a secure property, gained new neighbours and friends, re-connected with her large family, been on several family holidays and is basically living her best life!
‘I can’t believe it, I‘m free. I should have left years ago. Years ago I used to walk to the beach and think of just walking into the sea, I felt so low. It was only the thought of my family that stopped me. I would never do it now.. Sometimes I think about things I have missed out on because I was with him, I have a little cry, but then I shake it off and go and ring one of my friends or my family and I am ok again. I am so grateful to everyone that has supported me.’
If you aren’t happy, what can you change right now to make your situation better or to make yourself feel better?
Have a look at my Facebook page for more tips https://www.facebook.com/CaronKippingCoaching or Email info@caronkippingcoaching.com to see how I can help you feel confident to make those changes and start now!
